1. The 6th Rabbi did not sign the Gilui Da’ath because:
a. his wife forbade him
b. his great-great-great-great grandfather forbade him
d. he lost his pen in the peak of his Sabbath hat?
2. When Rav Padwa was taken hostage by family Halpern he:
a. called the police
b. called Hatzole
d. mumbled for his hammer?
3. Keddasia flesh was transported with pig carcasses because:
a. only the JC reported it
b. pigs aren’t women and so needn’t be segregated.
d. prohibitions don’t apply to Porky?
4. Rabbi Robers wrote a letter saying:
a. Chaim Halpern is unfit to be a rov becasue a beis din ruled he’s a perv
b. Chaim Halpern is fit to be a rov until a beis din rules he’s a perv
d. he’s still deciding whether to write the letter?
5. Divrei Chaim remains an integral part of UOHC becasue:
a. the letter expelling them was not meant to be released
b. the letter expelling them was retracted
d. the retraction was retracted which was then itself retracted?
6. Chaim Halpern is unfit to be a Rov becasue:
a. he arm wrestled women
b. he used a damp towel and didn’t do the full monty
d. his veiber shul is overflowing with eager candidates?
7. Velvel stopped commenting after he:
a. was outed as Reb Gavriel Knopfler
b. had his tires slashed by Zaidy
c. was served with a writ by Angel Gabriel
d. was locked up in the tower by Henry VIII?
8. Rav Padwa attended Reb Chune’s melave malke to:
a. propose a toast to the birthday boy
b. see off Chaim
d. do a class phto for all those heading for the exit?
9. The beis din to determine Chaim Halpern’s guilt will convene after:
a. Rav Tuvia Weiss asks Rav Padwa to set it up
b. Rav Padwa asks Rav Tuvia Weiss to set it up
d. enough money is raised to pay off the dayonim?
10. The main lesson of the ‘painful saga’ is that:
a. sins committed by rabbis don’t count
b. crimes committed against women don’t count
c. the lay leaders of the UOHC send email robin rounds and read the JC
d. the rabbinical leaders of the UOHC don’t read even their own handwriting
e. all of the above
f. lessons are for Oxford grads, not heimishe yeeeeedn?
On the 6th Day of Christmas my true Rav gave to me:
30 rabbis meeting
25 rabbis dithering
20 rabbis dissenting
10 maidens dancing
5 rabbis signing
4 shuls a-leaving
3 letters retracting
2 arms a-wrestling
No rov resigning
And a towel with a heter of Amshee